Coven of Thorns

Race:  Dark Elf
Coach:  Andrew
Description

 
Coven of Thorns team badge
Bulletin board from the coach
Oct. 31st, 2017
Powdered Unicorn: A Cautionary Tale
In Monday Night Bloodbowl's matchup between the Kleaverland Brownskins and the Coven of Thorns, Coven blitzer Nobody Loves Raymond unleashed a stunning performance, taking down the Brownskins lynchpin QB in the opening hit of the game. The Blitzer went on to score a League-record SIX touchdowns by the time the final whistle was blown.

During a very brief, eight-second interview, the blitzer explained:
"OfcourseI'mthegreatestofalltimeImeanwhatdoyouexpectfromtheslackjawedtroglodyteswefacedascorehuhhuhhuhnowaytheycaneventouchusespeciallywhenYoursTrulyhitsthepitchthere'sgonnabeaperformancefortheagesbecauseIcametoshowemhowitsdoneamIrightamIrightamIrightbesidesorcsareabunchofpussiesanywayallthemusclesarejustwaterballoonsfulloffailureandohKhaineI'msothirstyyougotanybloodorwineorevenwateronyoubecauseI'mreallyfreakin'parchedrightnowandIcouldtotallygoforapowersmoothiesoIgottagonowWHERE'SMYFREAKIN'BLOODSMOOTHIEDOIHAVETOKILLTHEWHOLEKHAINEDAMNEDSTADIUM!?!?!?"

Inquiries to the Coven coaching staff regarding Raymond's pinhole-pupils and glitter-encrusted nostrils were roundly ignored...
- Andrew
 
 
Oct. 22nd, 2017
Bugman's XXX, the leagues dirty secret..
When a dark elven blood cult faces off against a mix of goblins and skaven, you can be sure of one thing: the medical staff are in for a loooooooooong night.

Friday night's second-round match between the Coven and the Senators was no exception. One anonymous source at the Wrath Lauren stadium reported that from the moment the pairing was posted, staff apothecaries cracked open a keg of Bugman's XXX, to quote, "take the edge off."

The typically violent Coven inflicted four casualties, only answered once by the Senators. However, both teams fans, "stuck the boot in," ...and even stormed the field to attack the referee!

Whether it was the 60-proof dwarven ale, the sheer number of casualties, or the the overwhelming pressure of the bloodthirsty fans, none of the four apothecaries on hand managed to get any injured players back on their feet.

In an uncharacteristic display of mercy, no stadium personnel were found without their skins. Apparently, there was plenty on the field to go around...
- Andrew
 
 
Oct. 16th, 2017
Coven Re-upholsters Luxury Suite
To no one's surprise, the Coven of Thorns defeated noted league rivals Green City Squighawks in a masterful 5-3 performance this Saturday.

Veteran Satanico Pandemonium scored three of the Coven's five points. When asked about this feat, Satanico slit the throat of the reporter on the spot.

One question for the conspiracy-minded out there: the wizard hired by the Coven for the match failed to hit the Squighawk's QB in both halves--and even managed to "accidentally" down three members of the Coven with friendly fire! Was this really an accident, or something more sinister? Unfortunately, the offending wizard cannot explain himself, as his flayed corpse was discovered after the game, hanging by the ankles, behind the concession stand...

In related news, the Coven's performance prompted the offer of a new home in the luxurious Wrath Lauren(tm) Stadium. According to sources who spoke under conditions of anonymity, the Coven demanded that all 'couches, sofas and chaises' be refitted with unusually fresh leather, provided by the team.
- Andrew
 
 
Sep. 20th, 2017 - old news
The Coven Returns!
After a two-season hiatus, the Coven of Thorns has returned to the league!

Will the team manage to recreate its flawless 6-0 first season?

Will they achieve their stated goal of killing at least one member of every other team in the league?

Where are all the male team members from the first season?

What kind of leather are the teams new gear bags made from, and why do they seem oddly familiar!?!

Stay tuned, sports fans--season four just got a whole lot more interesting!
- Andrew
 
 
 
Tournaments played:
none
Playing in:
MoB Games 4
Trophies won:
none



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