Scumdogs of the Universe

Race:  Chaos Chosen
Coach:  Andrew
GWAR--once mighty Scumdogs of the Universe--wallow in the filth that their lives have become. Drug addicted... riddled with disease... they're not Dogs, they're just Scum.

Could they get a chance, to change their fate? Destroy the things they love, with hate?

Only time will tell...

Scumdogs of the Universe team badge
Bulletin board from the coach
Sep. 25th, 2018 - old news
A Great Rumbling from the South...
Ladies and Gentlefolk--this reporter is not to afraid to admit that he's anxious. Four out of five sages agree: the portents are troubling...

For eight days, sailors report a great booming sound echoing across the arctic seas...

An ashy grey comet fell to earth, shattering upon impact in the jungles of Lustria. Reportedly, the fragments of which -- when smoked -- inflict horrific hallucinations of bellowing demons and unwelcome "probing"...

And, most unsettling of all, for the last several hours, human femurs have been inexplicably raining from the skies...

- Andrew
Aug. 7th, 2018 - old news
Ladies and gentleman, this reporter has been covering the Blood Bowl circuit for over a hundred and fifty years. In that time, we've seen the rise of legendary teams and players. We've seen blood and death and everything else wholesome and true.

Enter the Scumdogs of the Universe.

Are all previous teams and players mewling incompetents by comparison? This reporter certainly thinks so. You may disagree--BUT YOU'D BE DEAD WRONG!

Just look at the numbers: Eight games, 31 casualties, 7 kills.

If there is one (albeit miniscule) flaw that can be found in the Scumdogs' record, it's that the Icemen of the North managed to escape without any players dying. In every other game, the Scumdogs collected the Master's Tithe of Blood.

Next year, fellas. Next year.

So. Is it shocking that the rookie team from Antarctica managed to finish the season with a flawless record? Is it shocking that deaths among fans and spectators have reached an all-time high? Is it shocking that the estimated population numbers for carrion crows and vultures have nearly tripled?

Not to this reporter.

Now there are undoubtedly some naysayers among you who claim that there are other things that matter. "Touchdowns," or, "Picking up the ball," or even "Being aware, in general, of the ball's existence."

I'm sorry, but this reporter doesn't speak Pussy. Go find an Elf who cares...

As the Scumdogs lumber back to Antarctica to bask in their celebratory blood orgies and ritual hibernation between seasons, the surviving members of the league will undoubtedly engage in the bizarre post-season practice games called, "the Playoffs."

The Scumdogs have no time for such nonsense.

Rest assured, Blood Bowl fans--the Scumdogs will return with the Season of the Witch. Gaze upon the three-tailed comet and despair!!
- Andrew
Aug. 2nd, 2018 - old news
Back in Crack!
In the days leading up to Wednesday night's match between the Fiends in Low Places and the Scumdogs of the Universe, fans gaped in wonder at the many Signs and Portents of the Slaughterama(tm) to come.

Mass crop failures? Check.

A blazing red, three-tailed comet? Check.

Inexplicable widespread instances of priapism lasting more than four hours? You-damn-betcha!

Scumdog Team Captain, Oderus Urungus, had this to say, "Fate has chosen this time and place to challenge our mastery of Earth--and we accept the challenge!"

The obvious question on all the fans' minds was this: which Chaos team was truly Chosen? In honor of the portentious clash, a band of insane dwarven artisans chiseled a pitch of pure, polished hematite for the event, ringed with cold-iron spikes and annointed with the blood of a thousand virgins (chosen by lottery from the respective fanclubs of each team).

As the teams took the field and the Scumdogs won the toss, fans waited with bated breath for the expected tornado of carnage.

And waited.

And waited some more.

Despite all preparations, the first blood of the day didn't occur until the closing moments of the scoreless first half, when a Scumdog beastman was forcibly smeared over several yards of polished stone.

As the teams retired to their locker rooms for halftime, a sinister moaning seemed to rise up from the pitch itself, reportedly causing no fewer than thirty-three instances of sudden incontinence among both stadium staff and fans.

And then, the Scumdogs re-took the field.

With an unholy fury truly terrible to behold (and a suspicious amount of white powder dusting the snouts and miscellaneous breathing-holes of the Scumdog players) the Boys from Antarctica inflicted eight casualties upon the Fiends in Low Places, including the fatal wounding of offensive crooner Kenny Dodgers. The Fiends managed to kill a second Scumdog player in response, but as it was only a greenshirt walk-on recruit, the Scumdogs remained unfazed.

As the final bells tolled for the fallen, the Scumdogs emerged victorious. It remains to be seen whether the... remains to be seen... scattered among the polished stones of the pitch will be given proper burials, or be simply left for the crows...
- Andrew
July 26th, 2018 - old news
As we enter the second half of the season, fans, enemies, bookies and league analysts all find themselves wondering the same thing: Is it even possible for any team to beat the Scumdogs of the Universe in Season Seven??

With an average four casualties and one kill per game, the Scumdogs find themselves easily dominating both Top Casualty Inflicters and Top Killers lists, without even semi-serious competition in either category.

Team Manager Sleazy P. Martini had this to say, "We've got two games left--do the math, bohabs! Smart money's on 20+ casualties and a half-dozen kills. Ain't none o' youse pukes gonna catch us. I mean, we've WON EVERY GAME at this point. I mean, it's like watching Lord Borak wade through a kindergarten with a chainsaw! You're all worthless and weak! My boys were bred for gladiatorial-combat-slash-blood-orgies, and you're all doing, what? Two-a-days? Running laps? Please. Just give us the feckin' trophy, already! I mean, we're not gonna go easy on you, or even try to go easy on you... but we'll try to try."

One thing you can't argue with? The true winners this season are the fans! This segment was brought to you in part by the good folks at Khaineken Ale. Nothing quenches that I-just-killed-my-whole-family thirst like a frosty bottle of Khaineken!

Back to you, Bob!
- Andrew
Tournaments played:
MoB Games 7, MoB Season 8, MOBBL Cup 2019
Trophies won:
2nd place: MOBBL Cup 2019
Deadliest Team: MoB Games 7, MoB Season 8



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